I don’t even know where to start. It’s like a bad dream. Nay. It’s more like a horrific crime scene where everyone has their eyes plucked out.
What am I talking about you ask? Well, tie-dye clothing of course! I don’t know why anyone would think that this apparel is eye pleasing. I get where it comes from, how it came about and why. But really? Why is it STILL so popular? You can’t still be that high can you?
I know I am going to catch a lot of flack for this post, but I’m ok with it. I. Can’t. STAND. Tie-Dye. There are 2 types of people that wear it: Hippie activists and gay hippie activists (no offense). I think it SHOULD be a crime if anyone wears tie-dye especially if you’re an LGBT individual. It goes against all senses. Okay, albeit, mostly mine. It’s an assault to my senses and an affront to gay people everywhere.
It doesn’t look good at all and as if it couldn’t get any worse, they pair the clothing with Birkenstocks. Yes, Birkenstocks. Jesus cruisers. Seriously. What self-respecting gay man would pick up that type of garment and say to themselves or out loud, “this is a beautiful piece of clothing and I must purchase it.”
I have visited 2 locations that have the most tie-dye I have ever seen in my life. They are the San Francisco Bay Area and Portland, Oregon. You can find these nasty pieces of clothing everywhere. One of the best outfits I had the pleasure of ever seeing is a man dressed in a tie-dye sweatshirt, tie-dye STRETCH pants in a pair of boots. Yes, tie-dye stretch pants. That brings up my other question. Why would a man wear stretch pants? Why?
–I worked with a guy way back in the late 80’s that wore a type of stretch pants/break-dance pants. I was fine with that because well, I was a young gay man and you could see the outline of his crotch. What? Please. Don’t judge me. You would have done the same. Anyway, this guy was pretty hot (for the 80’s). He fit his pants nicely. I wonder what ever happened to him. I digress–
Where was I? Oh yes, tie-dye.
I am by no means a Fashionista but I have a pretty good idea of what works and what doesn’t. Tie-Dye definitely doesn’t! I think I should write to Stacy London (LOVE HER) and Clinton Kelly (LOVE HIM) from What Not To Wear and bring this tragic tie-dye dilemma to their attention. You should stay tuned for my next fashion post about a region in Portland, Oregon…it’ll be a doozie!
**In case you’re wondering about the cover photo (it caught my eye because of a certain movie I love):
I was perusing images to use for the cover of my post and I LITERALLY stumbled on the website High Fashion Crime Scenes by Melanie Pullen. I think her work is absolutely amazing. It’s creepy yet stunning all at the same time! They are modeled after actual crime scenes. You need to check out her website, it’s fantastic. Melanie dear, if you end up seeing this post, please do a men’s fashion “Crime Scene.” That would be lovely.